


Neko ni koban

by FenrirsTeeth



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 19:31:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19752358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FenrirsTeeth/pseuds/FenrirsTeeth
Summary: Hitoshi did not know what he had done in his previous life to deserve this, but he was honestly very sorry. Please, Kami, have some fucking mercy.





	Neko ni koban

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this several years ago then... never posted it, I guess?
> 
> Written for the "surrender" prompt on The Big Short.

"Repeat that," Fujiyama Hitoshi said flatly. It was in no way a request.

"Er," the chuunin reporting stuttered, sharing a look with his companion, "We captured Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina and have returned with them to the camp for transport back to Iwa?"

"That’s what I thought you said," he said, the words muffled by the hand over his face. "Which of you thought it was a good idea to bring The Yellow Flash and The Crimson Tide into camp?"

The chuunin share a look but don't say anything.

"Ok, fuck it, it's not like this is going to get any better. Show me where you put them."

* * *

They had at least tied them up and left them in the middle of the camp, where most of the nin off duty were circling them like a pack of starving wolves. Neither captive seemed disturbed by this, in fact the Uzumaki was in the middle of trying to convince Namikaze to play a guessing game. Iwa hadn't been involved in the Uzushio Massacre but no one had really been that troubled by it. The clan had been terrifying on the best of days. If Uzushio hadn't burned, the war would probably already be over and Iwa filled with graves.

The fact that an Uzumaki in his camp of her own volition was concerning. Two chuunin weren't enough to take them down, which meant they wanted to be here. Fuck.

"Did they say 'Oh no, you've caught me' and then tie themselves up?" he asked, interrupting before Namikaze could give into the Uzumaki's demands. The ropes were sloppy.

Namikaze raised a brow. "You think we'd do it this badly? I'm offended."

"Yeah, that was uncalled for," the Uzumaki chimed in. She flicked her hair over her shoulder and there were a tense few seconds where everyone waited for a weapon to appear. She grinned at them. Like a shark.

Yeah, they were all gonna die. Maybe Namikaze would convince her to let them go as an example. It was a long shot but you would pry the hope from his cold dead fingers.

"That was basically how it went, though," Namikaze conceded. "Except for the tying up part, which we all agree is your chuunin's fault and is not a reflection on our skills as shinobi."

"Yeah, we agree," Hitoshi muttered. They were both going on latrine duty. And night watch. And whatever else he could think of after this conversation was over. "And you got captured why exactly?"

"We're here to accept your surrender!" The Crimson Tide announced cheerfully. There was some awkward shuffling from the audience.

Hitoshi sighed. "I was afraid of that. I don't suppose I could convince you to make a daring escape instead?"

"Nope!" Still cheerful, still terrifying. Hitoshi turned his gaze The Yellow Flash.

The man shrugged. "I was all for busting in and dropping a bijuudama but Kushina thought this would be more fun."

Namikaze was supposed to be the  _ nice _ one. This was terrible. "Fine. What do you want?"

"You can't do that!" One of the chuunin burst out, going so far as to put a hand on his shoulder. Hitoshi batted it away. He really needed to figure out their names. When he got out of this, they were both being demoted. A few people in the crowd muttered, obviously agreeing with the idiot.

"I  _ can _ do that. That's what it means to be Base Commander. Attempting to go against my orders is treason. The only people who can have a problem with my orders are people who outrank me, which you don't. So, we're surrendering. What the fuck do you want?" Hitoshi directed that last at Namikaze, who had clearly been using the presence of the Uzumaki on the front lines to mask his crazy. Hitoshi did not know what he had done in his previous life to deserve this, but he was honestly very sorry. Please, Kami, have some fucking mercy.

"Pack up and move out," Namikaze said, stretching his arms above his head. There were no more ropes. The ropes were just - gone. Hitoshi had no idea why he is fixating on this fact.

"You heard the man," Hitoshi said, already planning his escape. There was no way he was heading back to the village for a debriefing on this clusterfuck. With a war going on, no one was going to waste manpower and resources going after a single missing nin.

But first, those two idiots were getting demoted.


End file.
